Paul Bunyan Accused of Borrowing Without Asking

6 Mar

PORTLAND, OR–After a full day in the forest, Paul Bunyan was confronted over the matter of his roommate’s mysteriously damaged red wool sweater upon arriving at his Pearl District apartment. Standing in the doorway, Brent Wormwood accused Bunyan of borrowing the sweater without asking, then returning it in a tattered state. Mr. Bunyan denied having any knowledge of how the sweater was ruined.

Neighbors gave a full account of what they heard of the argument. Mr. Bunyan shouted, “There’s no way I could possibly fit into your scrawny-ass, hipster clothing, Brent!”

“The collar’s all stretched out, Paul!” said Mr. Wormwood. “There’s pancake syrup on the sleeve. Oh, and if I shake it there’s a bunch of sawdust, and, God, I hope that’s beard hair.”

Mr. Wormwood could also be heard saying, “I know you’ve been using my long johns without asking too. I put them on Sunday and wound up with a crack full of wood chips. You ever tried to pull splinters from your taint?”

For the future security of his clothing, Mr. Wormwood has installed a lock on his bedroom door. The two will make separate trips to the laundromat from now on. 20130102-072112.jpg


3 Responses to “Paul Bunyan Accused of Borrowing Without Asking”

  1. Ned's Blog 03/06/2013 at 2:30 pm #

    So many images. So much needed therapy now…

  2. dental eggs 03/06/2013 at 2:38 pm #

    There should be a line of clothing for plus-size hipster dudes.

  3. donhoannguyen 03/06/2013 at 3:07 pm #

    HAHAHA! Oh. my.

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