App Helps Riding Hood Determine Human Or Animal

11 Mar

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WALA WALA, WA–Red Riding Hood has developed a smartphone application that distinguishes between images of humans and animals. She came up with the idea while on a woodland stroll to her grandmother’s house. It occurred to Ms. Riding Hood that regardless of how much she thought she knew people, she had a chronic habit of mistaking animals for human beings. The application uses what Ms. Riding Hood calls ‘Bigtooth’ technology to recognize a subject’s features and determine if it is human, or something else from the animal kingdom.

Ms. Riding Hood was kind enough to give The Grimm Report an exclusive demonstration of the application using photos stored on her iPhone. “Here’s a picture I shot of what I thought was granny the other day,” said Ms. Riding Hood. “But, as you can see, when I run it through the app, it comes up ‘Wolf.'”

Red Riding Hood then scrolled through more photos on her iPhone. “Here an image of someone I thought was my boyfriend, Dave. Turns out he’s just a disgusting pig. It’s easy to confuse the two. Is this an image of a girl I caught him with on Tuesday? Nope, it’s a fat cow. Didn’t need the app for that!” said Ms. Riding Hood. “Here’s another slut Dave’s out having lunch with. Though, by the way she’s chewing her salad, you’d swear she’s a horse.”

“This is fun!” Ms. Riding Hood continued. “Okay, cow, cow, toad, cow, whale, goat, dog, we have a pair of pigs here, pigs holding hands, pigs making out, I’d call this, ‘pigs-in-a-blanket’, there’s the horse again, toad, whale, ass-face, bitch. That last one’s Pumpernickel. She’s my dog.”

Red Riding Hood has a few remaining issues she would like to resolve before making the application available to the public. SignOff

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4 Responses to “App Helps Riding Hood Determine Human Or Animal”

  1. LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? 03/11/2013 at 12:19 pm #

    Excellent! We can finally help those poor, poor women who think their tiny dogs are actually human children. This will be the end of pets in little sweaters, and it couldn’t come soon enough.

  2. honeydidyouseethat? 03/11/2013 at 8:37 pm #

    Ha! Ha! This could be a Christmas prezzie for all of my single girlfriends. Sign me up.

  3. rbdavis5 03/11/2013 at 11:24 pm #

    your nominated for a The Liebster Award go here for details http://wp.me/p36ln4-3n Enjoy (I know you already got nominated once, but what the heck)

    • grimmreport 03/12/2013 at 6:57 am #

      Your kind praise warms the cockles of our heart.

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