Tarzan’s Stint As Stylist Not A Swinging Success

10 Jun

BALTIMORE, MD–Tarzan was let go after his first day on the job at a local area Supercuts. His firing follows several complaints including unsuitable attire, loud outbursts, and inappropriate touching. “Tarzan made people feel uncomfortable,” explained salon manager, Bill Clayton. “For starters, couldn’t keep his shirt on. I don’t mean he was impatient. He stripped down to his loin cloth. Try getting your bangs done with that staring you in the face.”

Tarzan reportedly ran his fingers though several of the customers’ scalp, grooming them like a chimpanzee. He shouted things like “Oo ee, ah ah!” as he worked. It startled more than a few.

In his defense, Tarzan thumped his chest with pride, “It’s how we do things where I grew up.” As to the primal scream, Tarzan said, “I was just trying to make small talk.” And the skimpy clothing, “Oh, was I not supposed to do that?”

A lack of job training may account for some of Tarzan’s odd workplace behavior. “I was stoked during my interview because Mr. Clayton said he saw a lot of potential in me. He said, ‘Swing by early and I’ll show you the ropes.’ But when I got here, there were no ropes to speak of.”

Tarzan will have to find a new job if he wants to purchase an engagement ring for his longtime girlfriend, Ms. Jane Porter. His employment prospects are bleak. As Tarzan himself put it, “It’s a real jungle out there.”
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8 Responses to “Tarzan’s Stint As Stylist Not A Swinging Success”

  1. rgdole 06/10/2013 at 10:52 am #

    how did this end up on here? Tarzan isn’t a fairy tale… and I hate it that people keep him as he was in the jungle… you do know he left and was Lord Greystoke… a millionaire from a long line of aristocrats… he was a extremely intelligent and did a lot of great things in those stories… also his real name is John Clayton… so who are you saying is Mr. Clayton in here?

    • grimmreport 06/10/2013 at 11:07 am #

      We took a slight detour to explore some other creative avenues. William Clayton is cousin of John Clayton. We appreciate your feedback. Thanks.

      • herdthinner 06/10/2013 at 9:37 pm #

        Eh, all in good fun. I liked it!

      • grimmreport 06/11/2013 at 1:51 am #

        Thank you.

      • rgdole 06/11/2013 at 1:33 pm #

        sorry if I sounded rude… I was already in a mood over no one seeming to truly understand Edgar Rice Burroughs’ work… Hollywood especially seems to just love destroying it… and then I saw your post… and had to say something… it’s all good though… I’m just a little Burroughs obsessed…

      • grimmreport 06/13/2013 at 1:32 pm #

        You’ve given us a newfound respect for Lord Greystoke!

  2. deshipley 06/10/2013 at 6:40 pm #

    Sounds like the result of a lack of communication with management. Live and learn for the next gig, Tarzan.

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