Grimm Fairytale Route

24 Jul

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Since our inception, we at The Grimm Report have been fielding questions day-after-day, night-after-night, about a Grimm Fairytale Route over in Germany. For example, “Dear GR, do you know about the Fairytale Route?” Or, “Dear Grimmsters, where is the Fairytale Route?” And, “Is it a trail of breadcrumbs?” Also, “Is it like the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, but with happier endings?”

Well, we at The Grimm Report have heard all of your questions and have decided to take action! After heavy consideration, we figured that there is no better way to have all of our questions answered than to get the first person perspective a respected fairytale individual. You know, do something similar to the television show where celebrities research their past to discover that they are related to someone famous.

Because she’s a rumored descendant of our beloved namesake, and because said namesake is said to be the main subject of said route, we’ve hired Sleeping Beauty to investigate this mystery. And, in the interest of keeping things fair and balanced– Can we use that term? Isn’t that another news organization? Okay, in the interest of keeping things… well and… even-Steven? Yes, that’s what we’ll say. We’ve also hired everyone’s favorite fowl mouthed cock, who is of no relation to our namesake, to look into the matter as well. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Chicken Little! (Hold for applause.)

After briefing our dynamic duo– I’m sure that’s taken too. Anyway, after telling those two what the deal was, we gave them a stipend, two plane tickets, and wished them well. Using state of the art technology, we were able to record every moment of their journey. What did they experience? Well, quite a bit. But… okay, we’ll be honest it wasn’t the greatest moment in journalism.

The first hiccup encountered was when Miss Beauty overslept on the morning of their departure. The two had stayed overnight at a hotel near Dulles International Airport, with the intention of taking an early flight out the next day. Fortunately, Chicken Little was in the next room to wake her. After ten minutes of pounding on the door, Sleeping Beauty made her way over and let Mr. Little in.

“Gooooooood morning! We’re already late,” said Chicken Little. He was fully dressed and had a small rolling suitcase in tow. He took a sip from paper coffee cup. “Didn’t you here me crow with the sunrise?”

“Um… I think I have pre-jet lag,” said Sleeping Beauty. “Just the thought of heading to the airport is so… tiresome.” She sniffed the air. “What is that? Whiskey?” she asked pointing to the cup.

“Hey, toots. Chicken Little always travels with his friend, Wild Turkey,” said Mr. Little.

“Why’s tha-haaat?” asked a yawning Miss Beauty.

“Because, my drowsy diva, I’m an aero… air… aerophobic!” said Mr. little. “I’m afraid of flying. Actually, it’s more like I’m afraid of crashing. It’s not an uncommon fear among chickens. Things fall from the sky all of the time.”

“Well, do you think it’s a good thing for you to go?” asked Miss Beauty. “We are flying over the ocean.”

“No problemo, Sleepy Bea,” said Mr. Little. “I know how to keep my anxiety in check.”

“By drinking?” asked Miss Beauty.

“Exactly,” said Mr. Little. “What do you do to rela–” Before Mr. Little finished his question, he realized Miss Beauty had curled up on the bed and fallen back to sleep.

“Never mind,” said Mr. Little.

At the constant and increasingly-annoying peck of Chicken Little, the two managed to arrive at the airport with little time to spare. Pushing their way through check-in, they moved on to security. Sleeping Beauty fought the good fight against somnambulism, while Chicken little settled into his alcohol infused buzz.

“Excuse me, sir. Beverages aren’t allowed beyond this point,” stated the official at the head of the line. He pointed to the paper cup which Chicken Little still clutched.

“T’s not a problem, officer,” said Mr. Little. “T’s tapped out anywho.” He shoved the cup into a nearby trash can.

Sleeping Beauty and Chicken Little placed their personal items on a conveyer belt to be x-rayed. Chicken Little was first through the metal detector. It beeped, and he was pulled to the side. Wings spread open, an officer gave Mr. Little a pat down. “Whoa!” said Mr. Little. “Watch those hands around the ol’ wishbone.” He was cleared.

“Miss, you can’t sleep there!” said the woman operating the x-ray machine. Sleeping Beauty’s drool glistened on the monitor.

As the two boarded the plane the ever-groggy Sleeping Beauty stumbled when an attendant asked her stow all carryon in the overhead compartment. The inebriated Chicken Little had more than a few feathers ruffled when Sleeping Beauty hoisted him into the bin. “What the [expletive deleted]! Why are you trying to stuff me in the overhead! She’s talking about the [expletive deleted] ya [expletive deleted]! [Expletive Deleted]! [Expletive Deleted]! [Expletive DE-LE-TED]!”

“Ok, calm down. I’m just a little out of it,” said Sleeping Beauty. “I heard her say, ‘Stow the carrion.’ You don’t have to blow up at me.”

“Blow up? Blow up?” shouted Chicken Little. “You wanna see me blow up, Bea? I’ll blow this whole [expletive deleted] place up!”

It was at that moment that Federal Marshals tackled Chicken Little. He fought beak and claw before vomiting, then collapsed in his own puke. Mr. Little is currently in a holding cell trying to sleep off a hangover. Sleeping Beauty was also taken into custody for questioning.

We apologize to you, our humble readership for the mishap of this incident, but fear not. The good folks of The Fairytale Traveler blog have agreed to bail us out as we work on coming up with the money to bail out Chicken Little.

You can find every answer to your questions on the Grimm Fairy Tale Route here. Thank you Fairytale Traveler. We are forever in your debt.

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2 Responses to “Grimm Fairytale Route”

  1. deshipley 07/24/2013 at 11:47 am #

    No more than the usual share of travel mishaps, I’d estimate. A pity the pair never made it to the Fairy Tale Route, though; it sounds pretty cool!

  2. belasbrightideas 07/25/2013 at 5:56 pm #

    Again I stand in awe of your cleverness and nuance. Aloha.

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