Snow White Sleeps Off Appletini Hangover?

29 Jul


A Special Report Co-Written By Grimm Report Chief Libations Correspondent, Gregory Gerard | @GregoryGerard

A young woman matching Snow White’s description was seen at a cocktail bar last Thursday evening with what resembled her long-estranged stepmother, fueling initial speculation that the two had reconciled. The bartender of the establishment, Skip, said several rounds of appletinis were ordered by the older woman. Her younger companion seemed to accept each drink against her own better judgement. Whether or not the-woman-resembling-Miss-White knew what she was getting into, she certainly paid for it later.

After the first drink, the would-be Fairest One Of All began to rotate on her stool and blow kisses to bar’s male patrons. Appletini Two found her outside the ladies’ room, berating her older companion through the locked door, with shouts of “Not the mirror bullshit again, Old Lady!”

Things degraded from there. She insisted Skip serve her a third cocktail in a glass slipper, screaming “That Cinderella bitch can kiss my lily-white [expletive deleted]!” By the time the fourth appletini arrived, she was sprawled across the lap of a very short gentleman, leading the whole bar in a drunken chorus of “Heigh Ho,” followed by a raunchy rendition of what could only be described as, “Whistle Why You Twerk.”

Two Thursday night regulars, Chuck and Patty, attempted to intervene at the request of the supposed-stepmother, but were unsucessful in restraining the young woman’s increasingly erratic behavior.

Thankfully, a short time later, the-woman-resembling-Miss-White mumbled something about ‘getting lost in the woods again’ and passed out face down on the bar. Skip called a cab while the girl’s older companion mysteriously vanished.

Since the incident, sources at The Grimm Report have made several unsuccessful attempts to reach Snow White in an attempt to verify or invalidate the reported details prior to this publication. To date, no one has been able to reach her for further comment. A dwarf speaking under conditions of anonymity said that Miss White was under the weather and would be resting in bed for the foreseeable future.


Note: This post was written in collaboration with, and is dedicated to writing instructor, Gregory Gerard, whose Creative Writing class played an integral roll in this entire endeavor. Also an author, Gerard maintains a writing website at His latest work, The Martini Chronicles, continues to follow the story of Skip, Chuck, and Patty, and is available through Amazon at:


5 Responses to “Snow White Sleeps Off Appletini Hangover?”

  1. honeydidyouseethat? 07/30/2013 at 12:33 am #

    Only found out what twerking was a few weeks ago. Ha! Ha!

    • grimmreport 07/31/2013 at 1:53 pm #

      We’re quite astonished by the art form.

  2. monica923 07/30/2013 at 3:25 pm #

    Whistle while you twerk??? Best. Line. Ever. Thanks for the chuckles!!!

  3. rgdole 08/06/2013 at 7:31 pm #

    “Not the mirror bullshit again, Old Lady!”… lol… love it!

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