God Speed Bessie Brown

13 Aug
Cow jumps moon. Image provided by NASA

Cow jumps moon. Image provided by NASA

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Aeronautics and Space Correspondent, Michael Fuller
Mumblings From Beyond

OMAHA, NE—The whole world watched in awe and wonder as Bessie Brown not only became the worlds first cow astronaut, but also was able to jump successfully jump over the moon. A combined 10 year effort of astronautical science, test flights, physics, hard work, and sheer determination was poured into a world changing project that is now know as Rocket-Cow X-M.

Everyone seems to remember now that fateful day10 years ago when Omaha mayor John K. Finley promised a cow in space within the next decade. Careful consideration, expert planning, and the help of world famous rocket scientist Dish Von Braun and his assistant Spoon (spoony) Heisenberg went into screening and interviewing each and every cow within a 20 mile radios. Dish was certain it could indeed be done while Spoony was uncertain of the principle.

Spoony’s predictions almost came true after 2 years of searching and Dish could not find a cow that seemed to fit the parameters that was needed to launch over the moon. It was only fate that hot summer day that Dish and Spoony came to the door of Mr. and Mrs Edward Brown to ask to use their phone. As the story is told, Mrs. Brown gave the hot and thirsty scientists some ice cold home made lemonade and as they rested in the Browns kitchen they noticed their cow Bessie already making some incredible jumps over their barn.

It seems that Bessie knew about the search and was practicing her jumping every day. The local cat would play a energetic jazzy original composition on its fiddle that really got Bessie’s motor running and motivated her to jump further and higher with every attempt. To the disbelief of the scientists they instantly knew they had their candidate.

8 years, 20 test flights, 8 safety checks and reconfigurations later Dish and Spoony we confident that a night launch would be best. Mayor Finley, the whole town, a very proud Mr. and Mrs. Brown, and the whole world watched via television as Bessie nodded to her cat friend to play his fiddle and Bessie made her incredible leap over the moon. History was made, and Bessie landed in the haystack just as Dish and Spoony predicted. When reporters, well wishers, and Bessie wanted to thank both Dish and Spoony for their efforts they were no where to be found. The mystery of where they could have gone still remains.



4 Responses to “God Speed Bessie Brown”

  1. honeydidyouseethat? 08/13/2013 at 1:28 pm #

    Love it.

  2. monica923 08/13/2013 at 4:09 pm #

    One of my favorite nursery rhymes as a child. Now the mystery behind is solved. God speed Dish and Spoony…God speed! lol Great job as usual!

  3. herdthinner 08/14/2013 at 3:06 pm #

    Thank you for filling in the blanks of that very vague rhyme. Now the truth has been told.


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