Shame! Beast Caught In Specialty Shampoo Aisle.

9 Sep


A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Hygiene Correspondent, Steve Kallio |@steve_kallio

LAFAYETTE, LA– Trouble has been spotted today in the land of opposites attracting. A store clerk at Walgreens was stocking the shampoos, when a very large and hairy man-creature approached asking for a bottle of extra strength specialty shampoo. Then he whispered into the clerk’s ear. As luck would have it, his wife Belle had walked in for a jar of facial cream just as the clerk was passing the bottle over, according to a witness who spoke on condition of anonymity.

“Beast!!! Whatever could you need such a thing for? We’ve already applied your monthly dose of Advantix II. You should even repel mosquitos by now. Let me see that,“ Belle reportedly cried.

The Beast was clearly distraught, bordering on frantic as Belle reached for the bottle. “Um, this is, uh, for something a little, uh, tougher to clear up. I think they’re a new strain of flea, and they… itch… terribly. Besides you say I need to shampoo at least once a month. I thought this would kill two birds with one stone.” The Beast allegedly said.

Our eye witness says Belle gasped at the label, “Oh good grief, how could you possibly get.. wait a minute, you’ve been chasing that new maid you hired to polish… the… flat.. ware??? Oh you pig, you’ve been behaving like a rutting animal ever since you got your man cave and now I know why. I can’t believe you’d do this to me. When I get home I’ll make sure that hussy never polishes so much as a candelabra again.”

The Beast’s uncomfortable sigh was rumored to be audible throughout the store.

“Oh don’t tell me… All you French types think about is ménage a trois. Get in the coach Beast, we have a lot to discuss.” Belle purportedly growled in a very Beast-like manner.

The Beast headed for the door.

“Buy the shampoo you idiot!!!” Belle’s shrieks were said to have reverberated throughout the store and that suddenly she seemed aware that people had begun to stare, “I’ll wait outside.”

No word yet on whether the shampoo left The Beast Sleek and shiny.

In seemingly unrelated news, Walgreens has launched a special mail order service trial in the area. Complete with plain brown wrapper.



6 Responses to “Shame! Beast Caught In Specialty Shampoo Aisle.”

  1. mentzer2150 09/09/2013 at 10:02 am #

    Excellent reporting!!

    • Steve Kallio 09/09/2013 at 12:57 pm #

      Thank you!!! although it got a little hairy there for a while….

  2. Ned's Blog 09/09/2013 at 11:54 am #

    If I were Belle, anytime Beast used any shampoo other than Hartz or Sergeant’s, I’d be suspicious.

    • Steve Kallio 09/09/2013 at 12:58 pm #

      I’m betting she monitors the medicine cabinet pretty closely in the future

  3. Steve Kallio 09/09/2013 at 1:18 pm #

    Reblogged this on The not really news blog and commented:
    This reporter was given a chance to report on

  4. Ervin Sholpnick 09/09/2013 at 1:38 pm #

    I’m afraid… very afraid.

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