Game-Changing Name Change for Rumplestiltskin

12 Sep
Courtroom Rendition

Courtroom Rendition

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Nomenclature Correspondent, Danielle E. Shipley
everonword.wordpress.com | @deshipley

NEW YORK, NY – The funny little man formerly known as Rumplestiltskin was all smiles as he left the courthouse this morning, documentation of his legal name change in hand.

“[The change] has been a long time coming,” he said, citing the old name as a lifelong burden. “Nobody could ever get the spelling or pronunciation right. Forget about cramming that mess of alphabet vomit onto one of those ‘Hello, My Name Is’ stickers at parties. And don’t get me started on having to deal with autocorrect disasters when emailing through my phone. Last month’s embarrassing snafu between me and a client was the final straw!”

While the judge who reviewed the petition let the change pass without question, some are speculating that nee Rumplestiltskin’s main motive for the switch in appellation may be linked to a steady downturn in revenue stream following the widespread discovery of a magic-based clause in his standard business contracts – namely, that any customers who call him by his full title are exempt from paying full price for his services.

Rumplestiltskin-no-more is handling the insinuation of fraud with grace. “I understand how this may look to young queens with the most natural concern for the welfare of their babies, but let me assure them all, my golden commitment to fair trade is undimmed.”

When asked to reveal his new chosen name to the public, the shrewd little man said only, “You’re welcome to guess.”

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12 Responses to “Game-Changing Name Change for Rumplestiltskin”

  1. Susan Sassi 09/13/2013 at 12:19 am #

    Are you a fan of once upon a time?

    • grimmreport 09/13/2013 at 12:26 am #

      Truth be told, I’ve never seen it.

      • Susan Sassi 09/13/2013 at 12:30 am #

        I have a feeling it would give you lots of material

      • grimmreport 09/13/2013 at 12:33 am #

        I’d fear the influence. These characters already have a great deal of backstory. Play off of that must be original.

      • Susan Sassi 09/13/2013 at 12:35 am #

        I like it. It’s very clever!

      • grimmreport 09/13/2013 at 12:37 am #

        Thanks. Feel free to submit any ideas.

    • deshipley 09/13/2013 at 10:41 am #

      I’m a “Once” fan! It’s been my favorite current show since it first aired, and I’m looking forward to Season 3’s upcoming premier. The variety of fairytale spins available these days is great. (:

  2. belasbrightideas 09/14/2013 at 10:15 pm #

    My guess is “The Alchemist Formerly Known as Rumplestiltskin.”
    But that’s a longer name, of course 😉

    • deshipley 09/15/2013 at 10:57 am #

      Perchance he goes by the acronym. AFKaR has a certain magical ring to it, don’t you think?

  3. deshipley 09/15/2013 at 11:01 am #

    Reblogged this on Ever On Word and commented:
    Who knew my love of names would boost my career in fairytale journalism? Check out my second guest article on The Grimm Report!
    ~ Danielle

  4. rgdole 09/16/2013 at 6:52 pm #

    ha! it would make sense to have to change it eventually… but you know it’s kind of messed up when those women make a deal they never planned to keep… honestly I’ve always felt a little sorry for Rumplestiltskin… I mean a deal is a deal…

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