Dear Crabby: Hair Affair

24 Sep

Image by GettysGirl4260

Dear Crabby created by Trista Wilson and Christie Hall.

Dear Crabby,

My friends are pressuring me to cut off my hair and donate it to Locks of Love. I know this would be a great thing to do but I love my hair, I adore it! In fact, I tried to legally marry it. I have never, ever cut it. How could I? My hair has always been there for me. It’s saved me from terrible situations. I just can’t bring myself to do it. My friends say I’m just being silly and selfish. I may have to run away to protect this special relationship. What do you think Crabby?

Hair Affair

Dear Hair Affair,

Sure, sure, you love your glorious mane. We get it. I was going to sarcastically suggest you marry it, but you have already aborted that little joke with your attempted nuptials. Listen, you and your hair have gone through some shit together, but you have developed an unhealthy dependency on your locks. It’s time to trim those tresses, baby. “Big hair” is merked . Try a devilock, bob or a pixie cut. In your neighborhood, that last one should be swag. Think of all the time you‘ll save when you don’t have to wash, dry and brush 50 feet of hair. Think of all the animals who won’t get trapped and die in there anymore. Think of all the first floor apartments you can now live in. Walk ups would be a welcome development for that Prince in your life. If this isn’t enough, you may need a CA meeting. Coiffures Anonymous. Get the help. YOLO.

Bless up,


8 Responses to “Dear Crabby: Hair Affair”

  1. rgdole 09/24/2013 at 11:28 am #

    awww… why can’t she just be who she wants to be… although trying to marry her hair is a bit wacked… but I know I get tired of people saying I should grow my hair out… so I can feel for her… poor thing…

    • grimmreport 09/26/2013 at 8:23 pm #

      It is for a good cause. Her friends believe she has plenty to spare. We’ll keep you posted.

      • rgdole 09/26/2013 at 9:27 pm #

        but it should be her choice to do such and not be pressured by her friends… I know it sounds stupid but you have no idea how many people have given me crap about not growing my hair out… it gets old real fast… I hope she stays strong and keeps it long…

      • grimmreport 09/26/2013 at 9:30 pm #

        Well, we will pass that along. And let us know who’s giving you crap. We’ll take care of that as well.

      • rgdole 09/26/2013 at 11:17 pm #


  2. Kathryn 09/24/2013 at 2:45 pm #

    Never cut off your hair

  3. cat9984 09/24/2013 at 8:56 pm #

    Maybe she and her friends could compromise – leave enough for an elegant updo for the formal balls

    • grimmreport 09/26/2013 at 8:20 pm #

      An excellent idea. We will pass that along for comment.

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