Elf Joins Lollipop Guild For Sweet Benefits Package

26 Sep

FairyFunnel
SEATTLE, WA–A former seasonal employee of Santa’s Workshop is clicking his heels with joy over his new employment.  Mr. Keetle Deetle has landed a job as a Quality Control Supervisor for the new Fairy Funnel Candy plant in Tacoma. The new position is full-time, and has union representation. As a member of the Lollipop Guild, Keetle Deetle is now entitled to benefits previously unavailable to him in the North Pole, at what many elves coldly call, “Santa’s Sweatshop.” Mr. Deetle explained in an unusually high-toned voice, “We get overtime pay, sick leave! Everyone loves it here! We’re always singing!”

Another benefit for Lollipop Guild membership is full dental care, which is something Keetle Deetle takes full advantage of. As Quality Control Supervisor, Keetle Deetle is required to frequently sample Fairy Funnel Candy on the line. Fairy Funnel Candy is a chief competitor to Pixy Stix, the brightly colored sugar in a straw. “Fairy Funnels give consumers what they really want, more sugar!” said Mr. Deetle. “No more messing around with those puny straws! Pop a Fairy Funnel and it’s more, more, more! Yeow! What a rush! Who’s up for a song?!”

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2 Responses to “Elf Joins Lollipop Guild For Sweet Benefits Package”

  1. honeydidyouseethat? 09/27/2013 at 9:32 am #

    Lovin’ the sugar high.

  2. AshleeW 09/28/2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Love that! Too great.

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