Dear Crabby: Fried Fairy

1 Oct

Image by GettysGirl4260

Dear Crabby created by Trista Wilson and Christie Hall.

Dear Crabby,

I am currently in a rehab center for wayward fairies. I’m trying to get off of the bippity boppity boo. But my anger and need for revenge is making it hard for me to focus on my recovery. It’s all her fault! I gave her a beautiful dress, a fancy carriage and glass slippers. The ONLY thing I asked for in return is that she has them back by midnight. I only rent this stuff you know. But could she manage that? NO! The little slut just had to keep on dancing. And who gets blamed when the freakin’ pumpkin is left sitting by the side of the road? Me, that’s who. I got sent to work on the other side of the tracks after that, Drury Lane to be exact. Have you ever seen that place? I coped the best I could but here I am. I’m willing to let bygones be bygones but I need your help. So Crabby, please tell me how I can let go of my anger toward that damn whore.

All my best,
Fried Fairy

Dear Fried Fairy,

I understand your disapprobation. I bibbidi-bobbidi-do. But, we all knew that girl was a time-forgetting trollop with a tendency to trip the light fantastic till all hours. And you still chose to transmogrify her squash. Fine. No problem. When you started messing with her horse, dog and mice, though…. Now we gots trouble! What were you thinking? Does Michael Vick ring a bell with you? PETA has been calling non-stop, demanding answers. Why did you turn domestic creatures into magical menservants? And those mice could have been mashed into pumpkin pie during the midnight carriage incident. Harness your hatred and focus on the facts… you are a speciesist. Drury Lane will seem like CandyLand when the animal rights activists find you. Repent! And stay away from the petting zoo.

Animals are people too,


3 Responses to “Dear Crabby: Fried Fairy”

  1. Carrie 10/01/2013 at 4:55 pm #

    I love the word trollop. Hehe 🙂

  2. honeydidyouseethat? 10/01/2013 at 7:15 pm #

    Yeah. Move on. Let it go!!!

  3. rgdole 10/01/2013 at 7:47 pm #

    wow… that was some harsh language from a fairy… and hey she turned animals into people showing that animals can be people too… what more could PETA ask for…

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