Hospitality w/Goldilocks: Vlad’s Kabobs

3 Oct
Vlad's Blood Rare Kabobs

Vlad’s Blood Rare Kabobs

A Special Review By Grimm Report Chief Hospitality Correspondent, Goldilocks.
Transcribed from Goldilocks’s messy handwriting by Amy Good | @amicgood

Do you like danger? Okay, well I don’t!! But Vlad’s Kabobs has become the badboy hotspot eatery, so I just knew I had to see what all the fuss was about anyway. And – oh my goodnessVlad’s Kabobs has to be seen to be believed!

First off, I would have completely missed the door if it weren’t for the purple glow of the neon sign. In the daylight, I’m sure no one would ever find their way inside! It’s a good thing Vlad’s is only open from dusk till dawn. And from the décor inside, you’d really never know if the sun was shining or not. I just loved the heavy crimson drapes on all of the windows. I felt like I could’ve just curled up for a nap in one of their spacious booths!

The hostess, Fiona, was a little on the pale side – I had to stop and ask her if she was feeling alright before I let her escort me to a booth. I was surprised she could breathe at all with how tightly she’d cinched her corset. Obviously, she didn’t eat any of the kabobs!!

As soon as I sat down, Vlad came personally to my booth. He shooed away my waiter, Toadie, and insisted I sample a selection of his menu favorites. Vlad nibbled at my neck in a way that made my knees go all wobbly. When he compared the color of my hair to the flaxen fields of his youth, I knew I’d never be able to say “no” to him! Ladies, this Harley-riding, leather-jacketed celebrity chef is definitely the badboy of your dreams!!

It felt like we spent hours talking before the food arrived, but I swear I could spend an eternity staring into those deep, dark pools Vlad calls eyes. So dreamy. I didn’t even care that my beef kabobs were still mooing! And did you know that Vlad’s Kabobs is a vegetable-free restaurant? Apparently, it’s all the rage. You won’t find a mushroom or a clove of garlic in the whole place! Toadie brought us an assortment of lamb, beef, kangaroo, water buffalo, zebra, and giraffe kabobs. Even the sauces were veg-free!!

Not only will you come to Vlad’s Kabobs for a scrumptious array of meaty deliciousness, but you will stay for the wonderful company of the celebrity chef himself! In fact, when the sun rises, he may joke about keeping you there forever… but of course, it was only a joke!! All in all, I give Vald’s Kabobs a hearty five of five stars!!!



2 Responses to “Hospitality w/Goldilocks: Vlad’s Kabobs”

  1. mentzer2150 10/03/2013 at 7:57 am #

    Yes, but is it gluten free as well?

    • grimmreport 10/03/2013 at 8:57 am #

      We’re not sure. But we’re told that it’s VERY organic.

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