Invisible Man Denies Being No-Show On Capitol Hill

10 Oct

InvisableMan
A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Political Correspondent, Ned Hickson
nedhickson.wordpress.com | @NedHickson

In a surprise move earlier this week, President Obama appointed Dr. Jack Griffin, better known as “The Invisible Man,” to be a special mediator to hasten talks between democrats and republicans on Capitol Hill in an attempt to end the government shutdown. The appointment was called the “ultimate move in transparency” by Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid. That sentiment was not shared by Republican Senate Leader Mitch McConnell, who called the move “Hollow.”

Monday, things got off to an rocky start when Griffin, arriving in a three-piece suit and his customary head-bandage wrap, was stopped, strip-searched and detained by security until a full background check could be completed.

“It was not racial profiling,” insisted Capitol Building security director Bill Schlepindorf. “We just thought he was lost.”

Dr. Griffin, in protest, continued on to his meeting with legislators without donning clothes. “In hindsight, that was probably not the brightest idea,” he later admitted.

Though Griffin said he came prepared to negotiate an end to the shutdown by reading proposals from both houses beforehand, drawing up compromises he felt both parties could agree to, and preparing a statement on behalf of all Americans, “I’ve never felt so completely invisible,” he said of his experience on Capitol Hill. “It was like I wasn’t even there.”

In a rare show of bi-partisanship, Majority Leaders Reid and McConnell quickly issued a joint statement insisting the reason Griffin’s efforts at mediation failed was because he was a no-show. “Without question, we would welcome input from anyone representing the average American. But hey — when we reached across the isle we didn’t see anyone.”

When asked about his reaction to the statement, Griffin raised a cigarette to a spot well above his shoulders, then exhaled a cloud of smoke that momentarily revealed a look of disappointment. “I suppose over time I’ve just gotten used to being invisible. So in a way, I guess I really do represent the average American.”

Scheduled to remain in Washington through next week, Griffin said he plans to return to Capitol Hill to mediate an end to the shutdown. “And if they try to say I wasn’t there, I’ll show them the Congressional tapes that record everything. Oh, and I’ll wear clothes this time. That way, they can’t say it was a trailer for Paranormal Activity 5.”

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15 Responses to “Invisible Man Denies Being No-Show On Capitol Hill”

  1. Le Clown 10/10/2013 at 8:02 am #

    Grimm/Ned,
    we all know that The Invisible “Men” is none other than Wendy Davis.
    Le Clown

    • grimmreport 10/10/2013 at 8:33 am #

      We have been able to confirm that the Invisible Man likes to debate Clint Eastwood on occasion.

      • Le Clown 10/10/2013 at 8:36 am #

        Grimm/Ned,
        Does it have four legs, and sees lots of asses?
        Le Clown

      • grimmreport 10/10/2013 at 10:27 am #

        He certainly saw his fair share of asses on the Hill.

      • Ned's Blog 10/10/2013 at 10:32 am #

        I’d suggest not letting Wendy Davis comment on your blog. It eventually takes up all the space. There’s a setting for Wendy Davis Denial on WordPress.

  2. Ned's Blog 10/10/2013 at 9:45 am #

    Reblogged this on Ned's Blog and commented:
    I returned to my journalistic roots to bring you and readers of The Grimm Report the latest from Capitol Hill. Apparently, Geraldo Rivera had a pulled muscle. But that’s another story, for a blog without a family rating…

  3. Polysyllabic Profundities 10/10/2013 at 3:21 pm #

    Great story Ned…I never saw it coming. 😉

    • Ned's Blog 10/10/2013 at 5:02 pm #

      Sounds like you’d fit right in on Capitol Hill 😉

  4. rgdole 10/10/2013 at 10:47 pm #

    wow… this may be the best thing yall ever wrote… I love it! definitely sharing this on my blog…

  5. List of X 10/11/2013 at 12:10 am #

    At least the invisible man is safer from the NSA surveillance than most of us.

  6. honeydidyouseethat? 10/11/2013 at 8:49 pm #

    Holy cow! Am bitterly disappointed by Griffin’s lack of success. Maybe when we arrive in a day, I’ll give it the old Canadian College Try. 😦

  7. belasbrightideas 10/16/2013 at 1:53 am #

    Haha. If only!

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