Legendary Axe-Man Named Sierra Club Spokesman

14 Oct
Image by quinn.anya

Image by quinn.anya

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Environmental Correspondent, Cathy Behnke

Late yesterday, the Sierra Club issued a press release stating that its new spokesman is Paul Bunyan, the noted lumberjack. The notice stated, “Mr. Bunyan’s role will be to interact with logging and mining companies regarding the importance of conservation. We are confident that those companies will be more comfortable working with someone from a similar background. Initially, he will be representing the Sierra Club in negotiations regarding dams on the Snake River. Mr. Bunyan has the unique perspective of having created several dams himself during his career as a lumberjack.”

Reaction was swift. Within an hour, the Sierra Club’s server crashed. Social media was buzzing. Particularly upset was the National Association of Tree Nymphs (NATN). NATN president Diana tweeted: “SC hired tree-killer stop all donations #bunyankills”. The Enchanted Forest Tree Society (EFTS) sent a message that cannot be repeated in this family paper. Several celebrities tweeted their anger: notably Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Susan Sarandon and Bono. Kris Jenner messaged: “Watch show to see reactions to SC bombshell #kardashianscare” The “Hate Paul Bunyan” and “Hate Sierra Club” pages got hundreds of thousands of “likes” on Facebook.

A local news station in Traverse City, Michigan, posted an interview with Bunyan on their website that went viral. Among other things, he said, “Yes I made my fortune chopping trees and selling the wood, but I’m a changed man. I watch TV. I want to do my part to stop global warming. I think I’m the man to finally make the loggers and miners understand how wrong they are.” He was speaking from his home in northern Michigan. Out the window you could see the beginnings of a new growth forest. His long-time companion, Babe the Blue Ox, was nowhere to be seen.

Paul Bunyan is a legend to millions of Americans and Canadians for his role in clearing the woods of the northeastern US and eastern Canada for settlement.  Will he be able to bring his renowned energy to conservation or is he using the Sierra Club to further his own agenda? We’ll have to wait and see.


3 Responses to “Legendary Axe-Man Named Sierra Club Spokesman”

  1. Staff 10/14/2013 at 2:10 am #

    Reblogged this on SoshiTech.

  2. cat9984 10/15/2013 at 8:04 pm #

    Reblogged this on Adventures in Cheeseland: Working in a Big Box and commented:
    In case you didn’t see this on The Grimm Report:


  1. Sustainable Sunday’s: The Sierra Club… | Sunset Daily - 10/20/2013

    […] Legendary Axe-Man Named Sierra Club Spokesman (grimmreport.com) […]

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