Wonderland Deploys Special Task Force To Address Rabbit Holes

4 Nov
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“Hey…What do you want me to do?”

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Fairytale Immigration Correspondent, Jocelyn Koehler
http://teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

Citing increased security concerns in the wake of illegal border crossings, Wonderland’s Red Queen ordered the creation of a special team, composed primarily of non-face card clubs, to identify and seal all unguarded entrances. “That little girl was the last straw!” she declared. “Traipsing in here like she was on an afternoon excursion! She caused untold damage to good citizens’ homes with her reckless consumption of local food and drink, ballooning in size without so much as a by-your-leave!”

The monarch’s plan is simple: “These rabbit holes must be plugged. All looking-glasses must be protected with passwords and biometric sensors…and possibly with Jabberwocks, except there’s still just the one…” Readers may remember that earlier this year, the Queen’s mandate to breed tactical Jabberwocks was quietly shelved due to a lack of both funds and Jabberwocks.

The White Rabbit was implicated in many of the security breaches, and is currently awaiting trial (a conviction carries the usual sentence of decapitation). From his cell, he defended his actions as legal and indeed typical: “Hey, rabbits dig holes! What do you want me to do? Family gets bigger, and we need more room. We breed like…well, you know.”

Following the Queen’s announcement, the Knave of Hearts offered a more detailed explanation of the new policy: “In an age of ubiquitous metadata, we simply cannot rely on the old ‘It was all a dream’ defense. People are constantly taking pictures and tweeting their total underground experience, and those data stay on the devices. And once information is on the Internet, what can we do? How many people tunnel in here solely to check in on FourSquare so they can be the mayor of Tulgey Wood? It’s embarrassing, not least because it means some people are still using FourSquare. I don’t want to sound like a mad hatter, but a real, physical wall is our best defense.”

In response to that comment, the Mad Hatter, leader of Wonderland’s Tea Party, issued a prepared statement, but it was unreadable because it had been soaked in butter.

The independent and enigmatic Cheshire Cat offered his own view of the issue: “The Red Queen suggests that newcomers will somehow destroy Wonderland’s culture. I don’t believe it for a second. She is simply getting all mimsy and frumious in the wabe.” With that statement, the Cheshire Cat slowly faded from view. His lingering grin concluded, “What’s the threat of new ideas in a world like this? We’re all mad here!”

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6 Responses to “Wonderland Deploys Special Task Force To Address Rabbit Holes”

  1. AshleeW 11/04/2013 at 11:34 am #

    Brilliant, as always.

  2. rgdole 11/04/2013 at 10:13 pm #

    you know that’s a good point… if such happened now a days people would have their phone on them and then know for sure if it was a dream or not… I always loved the edge where you’re really not sure if it is or not… have you read the actual book? so awesome… man I should write a review on it… it’s a book that everyone should read…

    • Jocelyn Koehler (@jocelynk414) 11/05/2013 at 8:28 am #

      Both books are classics. And I highly recommend the Annotated Alice, by Gardner.

      • rgdole 11/05/2013 at 12:10 pm #

        thanks for the recommendation… anyone that can help explain Carroll is worth looking into…

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