Elves to Strike for Living Wage?

16 Nov
No one's been jolly since this guy outsourced Christmas. Image Daystar297

No one’s been jolly since this guy outsourced Christmas. Image Daystar297

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Polar Affairs Correspondent, Cathy Behnke

This morning there was a brief item in the North Pole Register (NPR) saying that Santa’s Elves are considering going on strike this month to force Christmastime Enterprises (CE) into paying them enough to support their families. More details would be provided as they became available.

Having lived up here for awhile, I decided to see if I could get my Elf sources to give me some more information. First I tried my closest friend, Herbie. But since he had been out of the toy-making guild for awhile, he referred me to a reliable source. This source refused to speak on the record. He insisted we speak Elvish for security reasons, so I hope I got everything straight.

“Ever since Santa outsourced toy making to CE, things have been getting worse and worse for us Elves. They’ve cut back toy-making season from six months to three and almost everyone is seasonal now. Santa made sure we were taken care of year-round: food and housing, reindeer shuttle if we needed medical care, summer jobs for a lot of us. Now we’re responsible for all that ourselves. Summer jobs are scarce and menial. We can hardly afford to live. If we can only work part-time, they need to pay us enough to survive.”

I asked him about the timing of the strike. Rumor has it that any strike will impact production so severely that the “Good” list will be cut back. My source refused to comment directly on the “Good” list. However, he did say that the target demographic is children five and under.

He hinted that it was possible that they would require nine months per year of good behavior rather than the current six. He did not deny the possibility that the available toy list might be cut to the most requested items.

He said the Elves didn’t want to disappoint the children, but this is the only time of year they have any leverage over CE. I tried to appeal to the well-known Elf compassion in him, but he wouldn’t budge. He told me that if I wanted the type of Christmas I remember, I better get CE to the bargaining table fast. The deadline for any action is the day after Thanksgiving. Otherwise, the North Pole would have its own “Black Friday.”

Obviously concerned, I tried to contact CE. I received this statement: “While CE appreciates the Elves’ concerns, this is not the time for threats. We will deal with this issue when things slow down after inventory in January.”

Right now, it looks like neither side is going to back down. Please help me convince CE that the time for action is now. You can email them at jmarley@christmastimeenterprises.np. If you would like to help the Elves, they have a PayPal connection on their website: christmaselves.org.



4 Responses to “Elves to Strike for Living Wage?”

  1. cat9984 11/18/2013 at 7:16 pm #

    Reblogged this on Adventures in Cheeseland: Working in a Big Box and commented:
    As Monty Python used to say, “And now for something completely different.”

  2. rgdole 11/20/2013 at 12:28 am #

    not yall too… it’s too early for all this Christmas stuff… geez let poor Thanksgiving have its’ moment in the sun first… and ummm what does that mean it’s own “Black Friday”… you do know where the term black friday comes from right? because it doesn’t quite make sense right there… maybe I’m just not picking up what you’re putting down but yeah…

    • grimmreport 11/20/2013 at 10:34 am #

      Ah, the mass marketing of Christmas plays an integral roll in the timing of this article. As to Thanksgiving, we are working tirelessly to bring you a story involving flap over a time honored turkey tradition. In the meantime, the Grimm Report will be making a small donation to the Wishbone Foundation in your honor. It is their goal to ensure that Thanksgiving shall be as commercially successful as Xmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentines Day… With luck, one day will live in a world where we can walk into a grocery store on Labor Day and be inundated with retail displays for canned cranberry sauce. Cheers!

      • rgdole 11/20/2013 at 4:57 pm #

        yall are too silly… and that’s why I love you… 😀

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