Apollo Declares War On Christmas

2 Dec
Slowly strums 'Happy Birthday' to himself.

Slowly strums ‘Happy Birthday’ to himself.

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Greek Deity Correspondent, R.G. Dole
| @RGDole

Apollo has declared war on Santa and his elves. It seems that Apollo is tired of being forgotten ever since Santa decided to take over Christmas.

“December 25th is my birthday. I’m supposed to get the gifts. Then Santa comes along and gives all the children gifts and suddenly everyone forgets about me. It just isn’t fair. Why can’t I have my day in the sun, so to speak.”

This reporter admits to being a little embarrassed to see a sun god throwing a temper tantrum. As well as being a little nervous as the room began to grow hotter and a need for sunglasses quickly arose. When questioning Santa about this whole situation he seemed to shrug it off. After all, he made sure that Apollo received a shiny new horn for his sun chariot.

“I did appreciate the horn, but that’s not the point.” We’re all wondering what the point is, considering his house was decked out in twinkling lights, sparkling ornaments, and some mistletoe.

“Of course my house is decorated. It’s my birthday!”

Apollo seemed quite eager to start this war with Santa, and with rumor that Ares is getting in the holiday spirit, we’re all a little worried about his delaying our Christmas presents. These fears were slightly waylaid when we saw Santa’s own tricked out sleigh. We figure no matter how this goes down, this will be a Christmas that no one will ever forget.



8 Responses to “Apollo Declares War On Christmas”

  1. honeydidyouseethat? 12/02/2013 at 10:24 am #

    Excellent. A decorating war.

    • grimmreport 12/04/2013 at 10:55 am #

      Yes, deck your opponent with with boughs of holly!

  2. deshipley 12/02/2013 at 12:02 pm #

    Happy birthday, Apollo! …Ideally, a happy, war-free, peace on earth kinda birthday. (Athena, talk some wisdom to this guy, ’cause my money’s on Santa.)

    • grimmreport 12/04/2013 at 10:52 am #

      I see ‘Apollo’ and ‘Fight,’ I hear the theme to Rocky.

  3. Erika Beebe 12/02/2013 at 1:25 pm #

    I can’t stop laughing. Thank you. :o)

    • grimmreport 12/04/2013 at 10:50 am #

      I’ll pass that along to our writer. 😉


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