North Pole Irate Over U.S. Spying

12 Dec
Rudolph the A MQ-9 Reaper.

Rudolph the A MQ-9 Reaper.

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Polar Affairs Correspondent,
Cathy Behnke

Things are not very merry up here at the moment. In a meeting with Suzy Snowflake-Frost, Santa’s Chief of Staff, I learned that the NSA spying scandal has created another incident. Ms. Snowflake-Frost told me that she had received a call from Human Rights Watch asking whether it was true that Santa was violating international protocol by delivering non-essential aid to countries sanctioned for human rights violations.

Ms. Snowflake-Frost asked how they knew anything about where Santa delivered presents. Apparently after all of the big stories were covered from the NSA spying leaks, someone decided to actually read the whole document.

After sorting through masses of information about Italian romantic liaisons and French wine recipes, someone found a piece about the North Pole. It included an itinerary of when Santa went to each country on Christmas Eve. Included were countries with U.S. and international “no-fly” zones.

Santa is furious that the United States would even think of spying on him. Ms. Snowflake-Frost couldn’t release a direct quote because it wouldn’t be appropriate to Santa’s image, but did give me an idea of what he said. The North Pole is not part of the United States, and Santa can deliver gifts to good girls and boys no matter where they live. Part of Santa’s magic is that he knows and rewards all of the good boys and girls. Besides, who were they to say what’s essential?

Santa had Ms. Snowflake-Frost read the rest of the report on the North Pole. She thinks the only other item that might be of interest was a concern that the reindeer are being fed steroids to increase their stamina. Ms. Snowflake-Frost wants to reassure everyone that the reindeer are not being fed anything that might harm them. Everything associated with Santa involves magic, so there’s no need for chemicals.

Ms. Snowflake-Frost passed on one final comment from Santa. He wants the children of the government officials responsible for the spying to know that he understands they had no role in what happened. Their spots on the Nice List have not been impacted. However, if their parents get a present from Santa that smells really bad, they should not expect to find a pony inside.



5 Responses to “North Pole Irate Over U.S. Spying”

  1. Chris M 12/12/2013 at 6:54 am #

    LOL! That’s a great article!!

  2. rgdole 12/12/2013 at 12:13 pm #

    too funny… I could definitely see this happening… I hope all those higher ups get giant lumps of coal…

  3. cat9984 12/13/2013 at 8:11 pm #

    Reblogged this on Adventures in Cheeseland: Working in a Big Box.


  1. Where in the world is my blog? – The North Pole | Greg Urbano - 12/24/2013

    […] North Pole Irate Over U.S. Spying ( […]

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