Little Baby Refuses To Hush, As Parents Spoil Child Rotten

11 Mar

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CARY, NC–The parents of little baby Emma are growing restless over the never-ending screams of the blessed little bundle of joy. Having changed Sweetheart’s diapers, given her a bottle, and sung every God forsaken lullaby they could come up with, the parents are going through the process of exhausting every last cent of their bank account to purchase a ridiculous assortment of exotic pets and expensive trinkets in an effort to get Princess Emmy Poo to hush up.

“I don’t know if we should be getting Emma all of this stuff, but Mama insists,” said the baby’s father, who had the good sense not to give his name. “We’ve gotten her a mockingbird, a diamond ring. Each time my wife finds something wrong with the gift, and I’d like to say, ‘Honey, the kid doesn’t give a rats ass!’ But I don’t want to get my head ripped off.”

“Now she wants me to get Emma an effin’ billy goat? It’s gonna be a long f–king night.”

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8 Responses to “Little Baby Refuses To Hush, As Parents Spoil Child Rotten”

  1. deshipley 03/11/2014 at 2:57 pm #

    Have the parents tried rocking Baby Emma to sleep by placing her cradle in a treetop bough? (Not recommended in windy weather.)

    • insanitybytes22 03/11/2014 at 6:44 pm #

      LOL! Hang that baby in the treetops and make sure she knows the bough could break at anytime. That’s what’s wrong with parent’s these days, they don’t remember how to scare the crap out of their kids with fairy tales.

    • grimmreport 03/12/2014 at 8:15 am #

      We will pass along your recommendation. Thank you. 😉

  2. rgdole 03/11/2014 at 6:46 pm #

    should’ve started with the dog named Rover… dogs and babies are adorable!!! and way more fun that a diamond ring… that’s a choking hazard…

  3. idiotprufs 03/11/2014 at 8:12 pm #

    I think I may have dated Emma’s mother.

  4. edewese 04/04/2014 at 12:23 am #

    Hilarious! Loved this

  5. edewese 04/04/2014 at 12:24 am #

    Too funny!

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