Little Man Offers New Lead in Search for Bitcoin Inventor

15 Apr
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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Financial Scheme Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler | @jocelynk414

A strange, bearded little man was discovered chortling to himself as he read a recent news article which alleges that Dorian Satoshi Nakamoto is the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin. “Yeah, right,” the little man said. “As if he has the skill set to spin gold from virtual straw!”

When this reporter suggested the possibility that leprechauns (long known to produce unstable currency that tends to vanish soon after the recipient stores it) were behind Bitcoin, the man got angry.

“Leprechauns? Are you kidding me? Those frauds!” he cried, stomping his feet into the ground. “I’m the brains behind the straw-into-gold business. Basic alchemy! But in the early days, I could only work with one client at a time, so the returns weren’t stellar. Not to mention, firstborn children are less useful as currency nowadays…so many questions about where you got them, you know. I had to find a new way to make money. But then the Internet came along, and I thought, this is the future.”

He went on: “I don’t even need straw now. With Bitcoin, I created wealth from literally nothing. Talk about a perfect con. I thought I was going over the top in calling that one exchange Mt. Gox. MT. GOX!! But it still worked. People can’t get enough of Bitcoin, and I’m laughing all the way to the real bank.”

However, when he was asked his name, the little man just laughed manically. “No way! You have to guess! I’ll give you one hint: it’s not Satoshi!”

The strange creature then ran away into the dark forest, singing madly to himself.



One Response to “Little Man Offers New Lead in Search for Bitcoin Inventor”

  1. idiotprufs 04/15/2014 at 10:52 am #

    Now it all makes perfect sense.

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