Slow Week for Solomon Grundy

10 Jun

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Chronology Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
http://teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

SCRANTON, PA–Local businessman Solomon Grundy expressed surprise when he discovered that his calendar was unexpectedly clear for the following week.

“Look at that,” he said, holding up his smartphone to show the calendar app. “Completely blank. This never happens!”

Grundy explained how he liked to keep as busy as possible. “An event every day, all spaced out. It always makes me feel better. One thing on Monday, another on Tuesday. That sort of thing. And I need to feel better now. I got sick on Thursday, and it’s worse today. But I’ll be on the mend soon.”

He coughed hollowly as he quickly checked his email. “I’m sure someone sent me an invite or a reminder for something. What’s this one? Nope, it’s just a stupid message to call my attorney about updating my will. I don’t need to do that any time soon.”

Scanning his timelines for upcoming events, he grew increasingly agitated. “Of course, I don’t need to fill up every day. I could just chill out Saturday, maybe sleep in Sunday. Oh, who am I kidding? That’s not my style. I need to do stuff! Life is for living!”

“I mean, what’s the alternative? I’ll rest when I’m dead,” he said. Then he added, “Oh, God,” as he stared at the clean, uncluttered display of the calendar app, which, mundane as it was, in that moment represented the blank abyss that is the fate of all mankind.

“Maybe it’s not too late to sign up for the company picnic,” he whispered. “Maybe…”

UPDATE: see RELATED ARTICLE: Obituary for SOLOMON GRUNDY, aged 43.

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4 Responses to “Slow Week for Solomon Grundy”

  1. rgdole 06/11/2014 at 1:53 pm #

    That is the weirdest rhyme I’ve ever read… but that is why I like coming here… never would’ve known about the life of Solomon Grundy if not for you… 😀

    • grimmreport 06/11/2014 at 1:55 pm #

      What?! We…taught you something? Hmmn. I feel a good deed has been performed here. 😉

  2. Outlier Babe 06/11/2014 at 11:26 pm #

    Pathos. For a friggin nursery rhyme character. I felt sorry for him, even while I was laughing at this (quietly, inside). Short and smart.

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