Annual Archery Contest Attracting Big Names

3 Jul

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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Bullseye Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler | @jocelynk414

This year’s annual legendary archery contest has seen a resurgence in popularity, perhaps in part due to the attention the sport has been getting in film and television, as well as the recent changes to the contest rules. Since the contest’s organizers dropped several requirements, the pool of potential competitors has grown.

Here are the top contenders according to the International/Interplanar Archery Association rankings:

Wilhelm Tell: Well-known to his Swiss fans, Tell has an undoubted flair for the dramatic. Apple, anyone? He has a dead eye and nerves of steel. But can this mostly mortal athlete stand up to the more theogenic entrants?

Rama: Although this would be the first time competing for Lord Rama (since avatars are now eligible), the blue-skinned god is no slouch at archery. From his earliest exploits in demon-slaying, Vishnu’s avatar has proven that his skill is truly divine.

Artemis: A veteran competitor, the Great from Greece is always a favorite to place high. She’s comfortable shooting in low-light conditions, and possesses a calm, classy (and Classical) demeanor. Will Artemis once again walk away with the laurels?

Robin Hood: The green-clad competitor always drives the crowd wild due to his media-grabbing antics. Few will forget his stunt from 2008 (CE), when he took a cue from an even bigger personality and concealed government-sourced bullion under every person’s seat: “You get a bag of gold! You get a bag of gold! Everybody gets a bag of gold! In your face, Sheriff! WOO-HOO!!” No one should count him out, especially as outlaws are not subject to extradition for the duration of the contest.

Who will win? In the high-pressure, high-precision sport of archery, upsets are always a possibility. There are persistent rumors of a dark horse competitor from Panem, but officially there has been no word as to whether that territory is considered to be legendary. The IIAA board has yet to offer a ruling.

However, the board did issue a statement requesting “Dixon’s Vixens” and similar fan groups to please stop using proxy votes to enter their favorite crossbow archer in the contest. The reason? Heroes must enter of their own volition, and anyway, Daryl’s too busy fighting off the dead.

With so many new names joining the field, only one thing is certain. For viewers, the entertainment value will definitely hit the mark.



One Response to “Annual Archery Contest Attracting Big Names”

  1. deshipley 07/04/2014 at 4:17 pm #

    Put my bag of buillon on Robin Hood! *sings hey while waving a green foam finger*

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