What’s Been Afoot for the Five Little Piggies?

17 Jul
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WINSTON-SALEM, NC– Having grown exhausted of loafing around together for longer than either could remember, the Five Little Piggies decided that it was best if they made their own plans for the past day. The First Little Piggy went to market, specifically Whole Foods. Someone used the last of his coconut oil for tropical quinoa pilaf. It was intended for oil pulling. Though none of the other Four Piggies divulged who made the dish, none could deny its divine flavor.

Also, the First Little Piggy ran low on kombucha.

The Second Little Piggy stayed home. He committed the day to curling up in a blanket and binge watching the first two seasons of House Of Cards. He managed to remain spoiler free of the show’s plot, but hoped it would be as exciting as Netflix’s three previous “House Of” offerings: House Of Sticks, House Of Straw and House Of Bricks. He was blown away.

The Third Little Piggy had roast beef. Arby’s was running a 5 for $5 deal. He loves to slather the sandwiches in sauce.

The Fourth Little Piggy refused to comment on what he did. When asked, the aloof cloven-foot beastie made an unintelligible comment about the, “Lame-stream media,” and said that he was having, “None of it.”

The Fifth Little Piggy bought a Fiat. He rode with the First Little Piggy toward the market, and was dropped off at the dealership along the way. The Fifth Little Piggy had been hesitant about the purchase, especially after the Fourth Little Piggy been such a grump over what he deemed was an extravagance, or in his words, “A waist of money.” Thankfully the other Little Piggies where more supportive.

In the end, the little Italian auto proved to be quite a thrill. With the Fiat sporting a personalized license plate that read, “PROSCIUTTO” the Fifth Little Piggy put the top down on the convertible. He drove off the lot squealing, “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home.



4 Responses to “What’s Been Afoot for the Five Little Piggies?”

  1. Marissa Bergen 07/17/2014 at 1:20 pm #

    Ah, to be a piggie!

  2. rgdole 07/17/2014 at 6:09 pm #

    oh the silliness… and yes I had to read the story while counting it on my toes… had to make sure it all lined up… 😀

    • grimmreport 07/17/2014 at 8:48 pm #

      I’m glad the numbers added up, for your sake.

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