Dante’s Travel Agency Disappoints

12 Aug

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Travel Correspondent,
Larry Shampoe
idiotprufs.com | @idiotprufs

Westfield, NY–When Virgil and Beatrice, an unassuming couple from a small town in Western New York, booked a vacation package through Dante’s Travel Agency, they were anticipating a needed injection of excitement into their life, a break from the humdrum. “We purchased the Inferno package,” Beatrice explained, “it seemed like it would be fiery and exhilarating.”

The vacation they got was not what they anticipated.

“Our vacation started at a spot the brochure referred to as The First Circle of Hell, that’s a colorful name I thought to myself, this ought to be fun. I was mistaken.”

To the couple’s dismay, they discovered their vacation consisted of nine days of going from one circle of Hell to progressively worse circles of Hell. “‘Tomorrow will be better’ I kept telling Virgil, but it never was,” Beatrice said.

“The brochure promised interaction with famous people,” she continued with a scowl on her face, “but Judas, Hitler and Ted Bundy are not the best dinner companions.”

Beatrice went on to describe how the ninth and final day of the vacation was the most distressing: “We had this big meet and greet with Satan himself,” she said. “He was loud and obnoxious, and he wreaked of burning flesh and sulfur…and he just wouldn’t shut-up about how telemarketing was all his idea.”

“We were looking for tropical drinks with umbrellas and seaside barbeques,” Virgil added as he trembled, “not for lost human souls writhing in torment and agony by a lake of fire.”

“This has all been very hard on Virgil,” Beatrice explained. “He’s very sensitive; he has the heart of a poet.”

When asked what they planned to do now, Beatrice replied, “We’re just going to go home and get some sleep; it was impossible to get even a wink with all three of Cerberus’ heads barking incessantly every night.”

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12 Responses to “Dante’s Travel Agency Disappoints”

  1. rgdole 08/12/2014 at 1:39 pm #

    I have got to eventually read that book… I have it and I look at it… and it’s always “I’ll start it tomorrow”… lol love the post…

    • idiotprufs 08/12/2014 at 3:50 pm #

      I think the tenth level of Hell was for procrastinators.

      • rgdole 08/12/2014 at 4:10 pm #

        well I guess I’ll go there eventually… you know… when I get around to it 😉

  2. idiotprufs 08/12/2014 at 3:48 pm #

    Reblogged this on idiot-prufs and commented:
    Check out my latest contribution to The Grimm Report.

  3. The Indecisive Eejit 08/12/2014 at 5:57 pm #

    Great job! Another timely reminder of why I do not take vacations 🙂

    • idiotprufs 08/13/2014 at 8:29 pm #

      With Dante’s Travel Agency you get Hitler. With Priceline you get William Shatner. You choose.

      • mentzer2150 08/14/2014 at 8:52 am #

        You could at least make one of the choices more appealing.

      • idiotprufs 08/14/2014 at 4:53 pm #

        That’s Hell for you.

  4. deshipley 08/13/2014 at 8:20 pm #

    I don’t even have anything clever to say. I just love this post.

    • idiotprufs 08/13/2014 at 8:27 pm #

      I seldom have anything clever to say either.

  5. List of X 08/23/2014 at 1:40 pm #

    I did not realize that “Go to hell” is now being advertised as a vacation package.

  6. Jae 11/26/2014 at 9:04 am #

    I think I’ve been on this tour.

    On the 1st day, they waited for their luggage at the airport.
    On the 2nd day, they wanted a romantic dinner, but the maitre d’ kept stopping by for a chat.
    On the 3rd day, the hotel’s all-you-can eat buffet served only foods that tasted of Styrofoam.
    On the 4th day, they found some terrific shopping, but couldn’t find a Bureau de Change.
    On the 5th day, they spent the day arguing with a belligerent taxi driver.
    On the 6th day, they took a tour with a couple of Americans who’d seen better architecture in Kansas.
    On the 7th day, they spent the day in hospital after being trampled by Japanese tourists.
    On the 8th day, they were accosted by time-share salesmen (gets a whole circle to itself).
    On the 9th day, they received the bill for their restful vacation.

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