Bremen’s Battle of the Bands Goes to the Dogs

20 Dec

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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Musical Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler | @jocelynk414

The Bremen Town Battle of the Bands Contest came to an unexpected end yesterday.

The popular contest traditionally attracts a lot of talent, from unknown locals to established acts that travel quite a ways to compete.

But this year’s contest wasn’t like the others. Most of the bands arrived early for set up and sound check, and the showrunners expected well over twenty acts to play during the afternoon.

Then a new arrival threw everything into chaos. The Pied Piper walked into the square and offered to rid the town of all the pesky musicians for the reasonable fee of 1000 deutschmarks.

The mayor of Bremen explained that the musicians were in fact invited guests, and not pests at all.

“You sure about that?” the Pied Piper asked. “They look like pests to me. You know what happens to towns that don’t pay me, don’t you? Go ring up the Mayor of Hamlin and ask how the kids are doing. Heh.”

The mayor tried to soothe the diva-like Piper. “We’re not skipping out on payment, sir. We’re just not hiring you. Get it?”

The Piper flew into a rage and started to play on his magic pipe. The Mayor ordered everyone to hold their hands over their ears, but it was too late. The other musicians began to follow the Pied Piper out of the venue, entranced by his virtuoso improv techniques and stylish attire.

“That’s some cutthroat business move right there,” one judge noted. “Now no one can win.”

The judges were about to cancel the event and leave. Then a donkey, a dog, a cat, and a rooster came to the door. “Still got open spots? We’re a band. And we’ve been working on some new material.”

Despite the horrible caterwauling of the four animals, they were awarded the grand prize for being the best and only contestants. Afterward, they were offered a position in with the local constabulary, who thought the unearthly noises made by the animals would be a great way to scare robbers and other criminals.


3 Responses to “Bremen’s Battle of the Bands Goes to the Dogs”

  1. Adam Hoffman 12/20/2014 at 7:52 am #

    I guess they finally did get to Bremen after scaring away those robbers.

  2. Jae 12/20/2014 at 9:17 am #

    I’ve heard worse bands.

  3. Outlier Babe 12/25/2014 at 7:17 pm #

    Ha ha ha! Clever idea. Thanks for the Christmas Day laugh, and Merry Christmas–or Happy Whatever-Holiday-You-Celebrate!

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