Grumbles: The Novel

Not long ago I had the good fortune of being invited to read at a guest speaker series. There I met the incredibly talented author, Karen Faris. Karen has a wonderfully playful imagination, and her stories are delightfully entertaining. Case in point, Karen recently sent me this little ditty which had me giggling, and I thought I should share it with you. It involves the characters that the Grimm Report regularly covers, as well as characters from her book Grumbles: The Novel. After reading her story here you may want to take a look at her recent release Grumbles: The Novel, Book One: Take A Pill. Enjoy.

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Karen Faris, author of Grumbles the Novel has just filed a missing character report at Central Plot Station. Faris says that the heroine of her Grumbles the Novel trilogy was last seen heading for The Grimm Report.  When asked why her character would follow two children into the woods, Faris just shrugged, muttering incoherently about sugar coated prose and drinking the purple Kool-aid before finally saying, “She just doesn’t get it,” says Faris, “it’s like jumping from the pot into the frying pan. She wants more poetic prose. I don’t know how to get through to her that in the modern age, no one reads that stuff, especially in the original.  Everything’s an excerpt. A facsimile of the real thing.”

When Intrepid Grimm Reporter Loosey Goosey finally caught up to Pettie Grumbles, the MIA character was found wandering around with the Gingerbread man and sucking on a an all-day lollipop from the Witch’s house.  “Look,” Pettie said putting an arm around the Gingerbread man and gazing at him with bedroom eyes as she ran a finger along the icing sugar buttons of his jacket, “I don’t know how it is here, but in my story, all I get are vitamins and real food, nothing, absolutely nothing is sugar coated. Is it too much to ask that a frog will be a prince?  And don’t get me started on working conditions.  You try living in a trilogy.  After three books, all I I want is a shorter story and to sleep for a hundred years.”

Twenty-four hours later, news continued to break as reports of Grumbles defection hit the Amazon wire and characters across the storyboard started bolting.  The Ice Queen was seen ditching her horse drawn sleigh for a motorcycle and a bikini.  “Hey, I’m going to where she’s from.  72 and sunny? If that’s the weather in Canada, that’s where I’m headed!  I kind of think that evil Weatherman is hot!” she said with a flirtatious lick of her lips and a twirl of a bottle of baby lotion.

Shortly after the Ice Queen’s defection to Canada, Faris was found sobbing over her computer.  “It’s not so much about the climate change and how evil The Weatherman is but now he’s going to have a woman by his side with ice in her heart to help him rule.  All I tried to do was create compassionate characters who cared about real world issues,” complained Faris.  “If this is what I’m going to get for my troubles, then I might as well give up writing fiction and return to politics where nothing really matters anyway.”

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