Tag Archives: Christmas

Grimm Report Podcast for December 12th, 2014

12 Dec

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A Present for the Ghost of Christmas Present. Gaming Commission Vacates Tortoise vs. Hare Results. Allison Christy hosts. Continue reading

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A Present for the Ghost of Christmas Present

3 Dec

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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Retail Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

Sharp eyed citizens (or those haunted by seven-years’-dead business partners) caught a special holiday sight yesterday at the local mall. The Ghost of Christmas Present returned! Yes, the massive, jolly, be-robed spirit once again walked amongst the populace, strolling in and out of the cheerfully decorated stores, from the Williams-Sonoma to the Eddie Bauer, from one anchor department store to the other. Less noticeable were his two companions, an emaciated young boy and girl who even the cheeriest shoppers didn’t seem to see.

“Merry Christmas!!” the Ghost boomed to all, though only a few souls ever heard his voice in the back of their conscious minds. “Come and know me better! It’s my one day to walk and talk with you all, and by midnight, I’ll be dead! Ho, ho! What a time to be alive!”

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Emperor To Daughter: You’re Not Going Out Dressed Like That!

6 Mar
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NEW YORK CITY–The Emperor has scolded his seventeen-year-old daughter, Princess Monica, for dressing in an outfit the he felt was far too revealing. At approximately 5:10 p.m. EST, the Emperor confronted the Princess as she was on her way out to visit boyfriend, Chad. He has a band. Continue reading

Old Witch Forced To Eat Own Home

1 Jan
The old witch invites in some neighborhood children in for a snack.

The old witch invites in neighborhood children in for a bite.

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Money Correspondent,
Asa Hurren |
@evila5a

It’s come to light that an old witch of the woods has had to begin eating her own gingerbread-built home after council officials declared her kitchen to be a spare bedroom.

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Santa Naughty In New York?

28 Dec

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A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Polar Affairs Correspondent,
Cathy Behnke
http://cat9984.wordpress.com

Fall-out continues from a video released on YouTube early Christmas morning. Posted claiming to be security footage, the clip shows someone entering the private elevator at the Beaux Arms, an exclusive NYC apartment building. The extremely poor quality doesn’t allow positive identification, but it appears to be someone dressed as Santa Claus. The poster claims it is Santa Claus. The time-stamp is 12.25.2013 00:05.

The elevator goes to the apartment of Shelley Kopec, ex-wife of noted Russian financier Ivan Kopec. Ms. Kopec, a 26-year-old former beauty queen, is well-known in prominent social circles for her skill at charming older men into donating to her favorite causes. Was Santa going to reward her for her good work? Or had he fallen victim to her charms and was hoping for a present of his own?

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Conspiracy On Late Christmas Deliveries Leaves Dragon Breathless

27 Dec
Image by David Revoy

Image by David Revoy

Special Reporting In Association With Renowned Dragon Biologist, Resa Nelson
www.resanelson.com | @resanelson

A recent near-collision in the skies over Nibelungenlied Airport has left carrier dragon, Sparky, in a real huff. He explained at a press gathering, “The control tower had given me coordinates and I was cleared for landing. Imagine my frustration when I found myself staring down the nosecone of an oncoming cargo plane.” He then stated, “It really burned my britches.” One reporter further irritated Sparky in pointing out the irony of the statement, as dragons do not wear pants. That reporter was incinerated on the spot.

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Krampus Switching to Clean Coal

17 Dec

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A Special Report By Grimm Report Sustainable Punishment Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
http://teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

In a press conference this week, Krampus, the shadowy companion to St. Nicholas, announced that beginning in the 2013 holiday season, clean coal is now standard in all gift giving to bad children, and that this will continue indefinitely.

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Pandora Sticks With Gift Cards

16 Dec
They can't be afraid of this. Can they?

They can’t be afraid of this. Can they?

Pandora has stated that she is handing out gift cards this holiday season. She hopes to alleviate any anxiety to friends and family by presenting them with something that does not require a box. Continue reading

Occupy Christmas: Young Fir Trees Oppose The System

13 Dec
A budding revolt.

A budding revolt.

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Conifer Correspondent,
Jocelyn Koehler
http://teamblood.org | @jocelynk414

When most people think of a fir-tree, they really picture a Christmas tree: perfectly shaped, with bright green needles, covered with lights and sparkling ornaments. Regardless of one’s religion, that image is familiar and ubiquitous—celebrated in songs and stories for hundreds of years. It is also currently under threat from a seemingly unorganized but determined force.

Tree lots throughout the world have simultaneously shown signs of being occupied this season…but not by perfect little fir-trees. Instead of tidy lines of spruce, pine, and cedar, many tree lots are now filled with much scruffier examples of evergreen. Misshapen, discolored, and asymmetrical trees have discouraged customers from buying, which has unexpectedly driven up demand for artificial trees. Indeed, “acceptable” live trees are now hard to find and very expensive. Lot owners are furious, demanding that some authority step into maintain the viability of this multi-million dollar industry.

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North Pole Irate Over U.S. Spying

12 Dec
Rudolph the A MQ-9 Reaper.

Rudolph the A MQ-9 Reaper.

A Special Report By Grimm Report Chief Polar Affairs Correspondent,
Cathy Behnke
http://cat9984.wordpress.com

Things are not very merry up here at the moment. In a meeting with Suzy Snowflake-Frost, Santa’s Chief of Staff, I learned that the NSA spying scandal has created another incident. Ms. Snowflake-Frost told me that she had received a call from Human Rights Watch asking whether it was true that Santa was violating international protocol by delivering non-essential aid to countries sanctioned for human rights violations.

Ms. Snowflake-Frost asked how they knew anything about where Santa delivered presents. Apparently after all of the big stories were covered from the NSA spying leaks, someone decided to actually read the whole document.

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